The “sad song paradox” is neither

I’m a sucker for sad songs. There, I said it. I will always seek them out. And if I hear a sad song in a movie (or often even a sitcom or a cartoon, for that matter), it’s almost guaranteed tears will flow. That moment when everything goes quiet and a single piano note starts plinking, or the lonely guitar begins to quietly strum—it gets me every time. It’s beyond my control, my body just reacts. And I know it’s not just me, so join the club.

But why do we like hearing sad songs when we usually avoid sad situations in real life? People have been pondering this for a long time, dating back to Aristotle’s contemplations on tragic plays. Some researchers refer to it as the “sad song paradox,” and to this day no one has come up with a satisfying explanation.

“One recent research paper suggests the value of sad music isn’t really about sadness at all.”

Here’s what I propose: there is no real answer, because it’s a trick question. From where I’m sitting as a sad-song-writing musician, the “sad song paradox” seems more like a word game than a real enigma. That’s because sad songs don’t actually make us sad—at least, that’s not the main thing they do. The research that’s been published about sad songs (there’s no shortage of it) shows that these songs actually give us a bunch of positive emotions connected to perceptions like beauty, peace, romance, wonder, and nostalgia.

Of course, not everyone has the same experience. Why do some folks feel the positive emotions of sad songs more than others? It turns out that two particular personality traits play a big role. If you’re a person who is (a) open to new experiences and also (b) highly empathetic, chances are you’ll be much more deeply affected by these somber melodies.

Now, here’s where it gets really interesting to me... One recent research paper flips the script and suggests that the value of sad music isn’t really about sadness at all—it’s about the power of connection. Just as a heartfelt conversation can deepen the emotional bond between two people, the expression of sadness in music fosters a sense of connection and understanding on a social level.

It’s like we’re sharing our emotional baggage through the beauty of music, finding comfort in our shared human experience. Their solution to the sad song paradox is simple, and singular: “We value sad music because it connects us.”

Makes a ton of sense to me.